Wednesday, February 27, 2013

to the spirit of n.s. (the girl and confidence, my poetic license)

there are many downfalls to wearing ones heart on their sleeve
and even more so when giving it over so easily 
but i’ll say this, 
if it always felt this good to risk everything
i’d fall in love daily

someone once asked why i let my shoulders slouch so much
so i told her 
it is the weight of every embrace i haven’t wrapped around you yet 

she continued why my lips were, 
forever in motion
but the truth is all these prisoner kisses have to break free somehow

(i’m not french
but Lord knows if I were 
i’d kiss both your cheeks 
and once more 
every morning, night, and with danger near 
because your welcome
is the yesterday and now 
i no longer fear)

so thank you to all, 
who will love with their physical bodies, 
I will let you be my stand in 
but think of you as the understudy, 
i am gladly upstaged by
because he deserves it, 
to both ends of the rainbow 
from the suns rise to its set 
and all the way back home 

i was riding down the mountain
in the dark 
and if you know anything about salvadorans on the road at night 
i’m convinced they have a love affair with their brights, 
which is blinding to those moving their opposite, 
like i was, 
their partners, their friends, but fearing my life and the hidden holes in the road i couldn’t see, if I wanted to. 

and so every truck that passed i shook my head back and forth, not knowing any other way to say i’m scared here ya’ll; but needing to make it home, continue, truck after truck, after car, after van, after bus, shaking my head, shaking my head, 

until one, only one, 2 km down hill made his way up, with only his short lights on, and I could see ya’ll, for once in a quarter trip; that the holes weren’t there after all, only in my imagination, and i could look up, and realize the world was beautiful at night, under moon and star light, and so I nodded my head, at this gentleman, this angel of short lights; and new perspective. 

Nicholas, if the dark road home analogy is my journey these last six months, i nod my head at you.

at the 26 breakfasts and not one in return
at the internet bill i’ve never paid you for, 
and you never asking for it either
at the day you were angry 
at the day i was too 
and at never letting the sun go down 
at telling me i was worth something 
at teaching me to believe that
at the prayers into your shoulder blades 
at the nights we believed they were heard 
at forgiveness 
at letting go 
at moving on 
and listening on days i still cannot.  

stay the course kid 
love jesus 
take those blue eyes of yours and penetrate souls 
warm them
like you did mine
because it’s cold out there
and tonight i am wearing your jacket to prove it. 

if anyone asks why i wear my shoulders proud
i’ll tell them i got it all out of my system on the night n.s. turned another year. 

1 comment:

Amanda Golden said...

I love this. perfect timing!