springtime

'everything happens for a reason' sounds better when said from the winning side; after a promotion, or some serendipitous meeting turns into everything wonderful. as if reason had it out for me all along and knew precisely when it’d hurt most to crash and burn, i wonder who coined the phrase, someone sipping champagne or another, not losing, only comforting someone who was; i’ll be honest it’s never my first thought. 

i sat down dock side at sunset, to uncoil a week’s knots from my subconscious; i coffee'd from thermos and cigarette’d my way into a good mood, only to no-ink-in-pen my way into a good laugh. i wonder if god knows at this moment, that the demons inside my head are already winning, and merely wanted to make me pause long enough to let the last rays of sunshine and  breeze from his finger tips, harvest them out and away from the core of my being. 

springtime is god’s way of saying, “alright everybody, you ready? i spent the last few months sculpting green grass, flowers and blue skies into the most beautiful thing on the planet;” as if god is in the 7th grade, and he’s the brightest kid at the science fair; and the judges, mr. rathgeb, and everyone, including his father, knows he’s going to cure something someday; and he pulls the sheet from his display, and you wonder, where does all that good come from? because you know it’s not inside of you, but somehow seeing it in person makes you believe in the hope that it just might, it just might some day.  

i am always curious how tears form so easily when i feel so thirsty inside. 

the sailboats are rocking, front to back, perpendicular to the crests of ripples rolling into the harbor; birds are singing off pitch, the clouds are percolating the first of a few stars, and my scarf is still laying on the ground beside me. 

two men in love kiss nearby; a little girl is holding her father’s hand; a mother is aware of her son peering into the water; and as each of them continues on down the boardwalk, i realize that our happiness, theirs and mine, is swelling inside of us from the same incoming tide, the same seaside, the same sun and one god. 

some days the things happening for a reason feel fantastic,
some nights you learn to measure healing from one cup of coffee to the second; 
but the creativity behind what makes day turn into night just won god first place at the science fair,  
his face is beaming, he receives his blue ribbon, 
and i cannot wait to celebrate with pizza afterwords.