Tuesday, July 16, 2013

for brother

for the first time in 80 minutes
i was conscious of the refrigerator’s humming, 
of the beetles wings clicking, 
and the rain, 
falling more like loose rocks and pin drops
a thousand cracks, 
a thousand crashing reminders, 
to listen before speaking;
to substitute my commentary 
for brother i believe you 
brother i can see you, 
brighter than two million 
glowing kitchen windows 
passed on my walk home, 
when i promised that tomorrow 
i’d be less of myself, 
i guess we talked before morning, 
can i swallow all that vomit, 
and move trigger fingers from my throat
to the guns that fire love songs? 

so i drew a deep breathe
and held it long enough to smother 
the demons running rampant in my gut,
brother hear me:
you are not for sale, 
even though my (love-for-self) is rich as hell.

(if souls are museums,
walled with unfinished sketches and portraits,
or manuscripts of unpublished stories,
i’ll spend all my sincerety’s fortune
searching for the only ticket to your opening day,
or a swallowable printing press.

we never felt like finished products
more like rough drafts 
works in progress
scratched through with red pens and edits
like elementary school teachers' reminders to indent; 
as if our reality's majority 
was lived within the typos and the x’ed outs).

we are simply hearts of fireball hopes 
throbbing inside of barbed wire chests; 
but i saw fence posts in the truck
and we both know empty fields to be therapeutic; 
to meet half way, 
to let our wildest - unfinished - touched up - ever changing -
missing color - missing words - dreams
collide beneath a florida sky,
and be what they are, 
'called by their right name;'
we’ll build new cages for aged fears 
and promise to let them starve to death, 
we never wanted to be shepherds of our own nightmares;
and if we start now
we can make it to the i'm sorries;
and still get to work by morning;  
we keep building.

i don’t have all the answers, 
so only ask me if i love you, 
because i do know that one.

1 comment:

untitledq said...

loose rocks & pin drops, nice