i think of gifting you everything*

i think of gifting you everything
all the beautiful things I see
your eyes
are next to them
in them
are moving toward them
and I wonder if i'll ever be 
able to get back all the beauty i dreamed when these two
and me
were one
the beautiful you
and all the second place beautiful things i always want to gift you
today
they are just second place beautiful
nothing more
and I am third
to the bridgeless gap where she told me not to follow 
to the forward progress and the stopping
to the light that doesn't turn green
to the lonely lull
once, a bronze metal shone brightly
in the knowing 
i was claimed by the one wearing gold
in the knowing 
i was bridged by all that wearing silver
now 
we are but places and ranks
on a podium
titled was's and no-longers
i wonder
if she still feels like the gold wearing queen she is
if she remembers how beautiful she will always be
if she knows how near to beautiful i could of been
godammit
i swear
i was the closest i'll ever be
but now we are three
and that is all we will be
you
the beautiful things
and me
makes you feel empty when you say it like that
but christ was it a lovely dream 
and boy is it a shame to leave all these books 
ungifted on the shelf like that 

*typed into my cell phone on a sunday night, at powell's - used bookstore on hawthorne street, Port. OR. in the independently published poetry section. finished with my computer on a thursday afternoon, at stumptown - cafe and roastery on santa fe, Los Angeles, CAL. at the bar.