Sunday, November 2, 2014

a warmth even god smiles to feel

this all started as a poem 
about saying goodbye to a woman i love. 
this all ended as a supposition of sorts 
on a few things i believe about god. 
and it shouldn't come as a surprise, 
after all 
wherever love is unfolding
god is watching nearby, 
and i've come to imagine him 
dressed like my grandpa 
seated in the corner booth, 
stirring honey into his coffee 
and writing poetry onto the diner napkins; 
all with the biggest smile on his face 
a smile only god smiles -  
(and my grandpa of course).

if i've learned anything over the passed year 

it's how to see god everywhere; 
in south florida sub development blacktop when you tell her you love her for the first time 
to the escalators of a north los angeles red line station when you realize how much you still do 

this passed sunday was no different
alysse had been visiting el salvador for a few days 
and it were those few minutes before you know you have to make the drive to the airport. 
i said we should book it out a few minutes early, 
i was thinking of a spot off the highway, where we could watch the sunset and practice our see you laters on the city, before saying so to one another 
(the calm before the storm she called it).  
we pulled the car over, and made our way to the overlook railing, 
letting our eyes widen with the stretches of the city, 
decorated in the blue lights of first summer. 
i spread my arms as far as i could reach them, 
soaking in all that beautiful sundown, 
i then wrapped them around her as tightly as i could, 
to lock in a warmth you only find south of the U.S. border.
to lock in a warmth even god smiles to feel, 
as he watches from his booth atop the san salvador volcano.  

i think a lot of folks are afraid to let themselves consider god as something other than grand, 
as if we could in any way sell him short. 
i think god's biggest fear is that we'd never open our eyes wide enough to let him show us what getting small really looks like. 
i believe god is the sustainer of the universe, 
and i believe god is the gentle breeze and last rays of sunshine, 
sweeping through the city skyline. 
the beauty of god is that he is grand enough to be in awe of, 
and subtle enough to leave his art with an invisible signature.   
god is gentle enough to let us feel him, 
and we, she and i  
made our way back to the truck, 
and down the road to the airport 
with smiles on our faces 
and heavy hearts;
the smile in the knowing we'd felt god nearby,
the heaviness in the knowing we'd have to find him without the other next to us, 
at least for a short while anyway. 

beneath the fingernail moon 
i dripped the contents of my eyeballs 
onto the cracks between our interlocked fingers 
making you swear 
never to forget how absolutely wonderful you are 
beneath the blinking destinations 
on the airport departure screen 
you pressed the warmth of your exhale 
into the neckline of my sweater 
and told me i 
was one of the greatest things to ever come into your life, 
i - 
i - 
i - 
have never made god smile 
like i did with those goodbye tears 
after all, 
wherever love is unfolding
god is watching nearby.

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